Funniest jokes!

Post your funniest jokes you have heard here.

Here's one i thought was pretty good.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

hahahaha

Poor BoB lmao

Post your favorite jokes here

There was 3 girls stranded in a desert, of course, one was blonde, one was brunette and the other had black hair.

a little genii came along and gave them all one wish, The brunette asked to go home, so she went home,
the black hair girl asked to go to New york, so ping and she was there,
the blonde girl started crying in despair and cried she wanted her friends back, so all 3 of them were back in the desert again.

There was 3 guys in the desert (again) an irish, scottish and english.
The irish man asked for a gallon of guiness, so he sat there drinking hes guiness.
the scottish man asked for a gallon of scotch, so he sat there drinking scotch.
the english man asked for a car door, so he got a car door. The other 2 asked him why he asked for a car door, he replied that when it gets hot he can wind the window down.

Nice jokes

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.

She said, 'What does that mean?'

He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'

He said, ' I'm Just Kidding'

then he was sleeping in the dog house

A good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep".
When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"
"Yep".
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep".
So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

lol shame.

those jokes were flippen funny

Haha Really funny

A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.



- Puolimieli_